I have mulled over this for a bit, I have been wanting to do up a post on methods for coping with homesickness- but this doesn’t quite seem to be as much in line with the realities and what I have experienced over the past 4 years + of living abroad.
I don’t usually write unless I absolutely have to, and the alternative is probably far less healthy.
I don’t have an alternative way of another way to describe the past 1.5 years away from home apart from it basically being a nightmare of homesickness. The last time I encountered something this similar must have been in Exeter, in 2018, where I’d wake up at 7am and allow the homesickness to kick in for an hour, despite the social supports I’ve had.
After which, I’d go off to uni for my Psych lectures as if nothing were amiss really.
The one thing that helped to alleviate all of this was surprisingly the minor disruptions in my life- that being, making a request to fly home from 25-29 Sept in 2018 for my interview to Adelaide Medicine. I got to see my parents in less than 2 weeks from being in the UK. It has been exactly 3 years now. A good 1 year and 7 months since I’ve been at home.
Last night, I dreamt that I drove up to Gambier to meet my family after 2 years (we won’t even question how in the heck I got there in one piece, alone, but I did- now thinking back, I think Gambier being the location might carry more weight than it being a case of me meeting my blood related family). I visit them and they are on a little cottage (the kind from little house on the prairie), I feel a sense of relieve and at that point, that seems like the best moment of my life.
I ask them why they haven’t chosen Adina (our go to hotel) instead, and they say that they’re completely filled, they are not on the priority list and they can’t stay for too long now, only a couple of hours till they have to be back home. I am crushed, that was barely an hour after having not seen them for close to 2 years and it made no sense. They said they wished they could take me with them but they weren’t sure how that might work. They had a cab, booked and all ready to go- and thet arranged for a separete shuttle to ferry me back to Adelaide. Things got a bit fuzzy right up till that point.
Who summoned my nightmares and the unbearable homesickness? It is almost as if everything is coming full circle now. We can only hope that with a moment that bears such an uncanny resemblance to the mess (storm before the calm essentially) that happened in 2017, that there are better things ahead. But really, who knows?
I just want nothing more than to be back home. I wish I had a day to count down to.
Isn’t it funny how when you open your eyes, everything disappears?
This morning, i woke up well rested in a cozy bed, nuzzle into my memory foam pillow, but the touch that met my skin burned, and it was ice cold.
It did not hold me and keep me safe like it used to; essentially, mockery at my struggle to adapt despite having lived away from home since September of 2017. Honestly, homesickness doesn’t always get better. The one thing that really set things apart before, was always having a date to look forward to but now, it all just seems so blatantly up in the air.
How long to go till we are back in each other’s embrace? Months? Years? There are more pressing issues that the tiny things we trifle ourselves with in this day and age, clearly.
The subconcious is a powerful space, it conjures up whatever it wants, as it pleases.
** so I was meant to express in the form of a more creative fashion but low and behold, my creative juices faltered a little and I was in a rush bc it’s OSCE prep season😪 so I’ll draft something in the meantime.