Note: A more theologically centred reflection
In the midst of listening to the online mass for this week- more specifically, the one where God said Talitha kum to raise the child from the dead- I appreiated the pertinent reminder during the homily to draw a distinction between disastorous events of the natural world, death, mortality and the notion that God is for the redefinition of mortality and the creation of a ,”new heaven and new earth”. (As I type this I am plagued by the fear that what I am writing might be a misinterpretation of that which is meant to be conveyed in the bible- it has also been a while since I have written in this space, or at all, really) The people within this gospel in particular, make it so much more real and relatable- I used to subconsciously liken the girl whom God addressed with ‘Talitha Kum’ to myself (lol I know) and I used to seek solace in this, with an endearing sense of hope- also, in hope that I may be made privy to everything I have turned a blind eye to in this lifetime.
I recently decided to take a friend up on her invitation to this bible study group, led by missionairies, because it had been quite sometime since I’d said yes to growth in the religious sense- and this is something I’ve come to recognize over the past month I suppose. I was grateful for the safe space to learn but I also felt very confronted by it (TBC)- this, I’m not sure in a positive or a negative sense.
*Disclaimer: It does feel odd typing this out now because I have articulated this to several close counterparts in the past week as opposed to writing it in my android notes as I used to- this is a separate discussion for another time- I’m not sure if it has something to do with me having branched out – and having become just a little more.. extroverted (?) I’d like to think. Thanks to several pals who shall remain annonymus (and whom I don’t even think.. know about the existence of this) I feel like I’m adjusting more than I ever have to Adelaide in the past 3 years, in some sense. What a pity honestly, but I wil embrace all of it for now. It makes the idea of having to depart from here for pursue what I agreed to previously even more challenging and slightly upsetting- but change truly has been my only constant, and growth (I hope).
This month has definitely been a month of growth in the most astounding yet humbling of ways, maybe some regression here and there- but getting to meet people, listen to their stories and just being more mindful and aware due to …. well… circumstances that cannot be laid out here, has felt so so good. I am learing to appreciate medicine a little more for what it is as well (lol took me long enough huh) I think. A couple of days ago, someone said to me,”
*This post feels very incomplete, I feel like I should document my thoughts a little more, or well… write a little more in general.
*Power nap sleep paralysis and dream series: Yesterday, my sleep paralysis was in the form of an elephant charging at me from the bend behind shibui to where I stay. I think I felt afraid, but it was oddly decontextualized. Today’s power nap dream/sleep paralysis (??) not quite sure how to characterize this one- I recall being at a theme park, and looking down (aerial view) at the top of a carouselle and ferris wheel, and then one of those skyscraper-superman-drop-rides. This one was against a deep blue sky, starless and cloudless (maybe I wasn’t high up enough), and I was flying as if I had somewhere in mind but I wasn’t afraid or in a hurry. It was bizarre but peaceful at the same time, I woke up just as I was about you fly above some other structure (??) – but it also did not feel like I dream/nightmare so I’m not sure- does that count as sleep paralysis?
June- it has been a month replete with discussion on religion, science, faith, relationships, tolerance and acceptance – a lot of huge ideas that are typically cast in distinct dichotomies, existing to almost oppose, or at least, at 2 different ends of any spectrum imaginable. It has been humbling, really. I’d like to say that I have been offered clarity through epiphanies, but that might be a bit of an overstretch. I am slowly learning to come to terms with being satisfied that there has been a safe space for an exchange of ideas – something that I have definitely taken for granted. I am learning to unlearn the discomfort and temporal annoyance that used to manifest when I was greedy for an epiphany after every exchange. It is okay to just be, sometimes.